im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
