Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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