two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
