Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
