I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
