It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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