The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize