yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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