So drunk its hurt
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
