Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
