you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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