We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
