You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
