he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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