I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
PANTIES FOUND
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