careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
