Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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