So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
