The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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