I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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