Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
