fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
