I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
