Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
