I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
