Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
