whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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