Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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