im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.