his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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