i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.