Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.