I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?