Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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