Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
