You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
