well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im holly from the hills drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
