oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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