We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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