I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
