Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
