walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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