just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You left your phone here
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