i just had sex bonerless
accomplished twins. life is a go
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
