Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
