somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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