I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
