One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
