here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
