I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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