Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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