Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As shirtless as possible
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
