I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
