I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
