Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
