What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
