It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
