Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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