honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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