Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
