Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
