Me. At least after what I've been through.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
