Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
