as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
