he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
