yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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