I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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