In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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