I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
