I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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