I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mom said you looked used
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
