I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
