Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
