life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
