Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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