It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
