you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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