I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
