Apparently you make a good broom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i've created a new STD.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
