There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Boobs speak an international language.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
