What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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