My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
